Category Archives: Personal

Being INFP: Finally Found

Why am I doing this to myself? Why do I have to move around, unlike most people who seek stability, when there were chances to settle down? What frame of mind that makes me choose this life path? Those questions have been buggering me for a long time. Last year, when I dug deep into Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), it has become clearer to me as an INFP.

The self-revelation exploded while I was at Sigor Rós concert in Detroit. That strange moment gave me the senses of clarity, purpose, and relieve. I could be able to get INFP personality traits to answer those questions about ‘how’ my brain works.

INFP is one of 16 personality types widely used to indicate psychological preferences. It stands for Introvert, iNtuition, Feeling, Perception. The meanings of each character are not the same as dictionary definitions. In the nutshell: INFPs are idealists driven by own core values and desire to exercise their creativity. No wonder why I’ve got a job as a multimedia producer for an international organisation that promotes ending poverty.

What I find it makes sense that how I often make such dramatic choices around arts. I could trace this alignment as far back as at least in the teen when I had the very first decision to make about going forward in high school. I might have to recall those educational paths in another time for a full story.

Then about sticking to my core values. This is what the clarity of my purpose about. There’s a fantasy world I want to make it possible. And I think I’m on that direction because it’s also been how I make choose life path. Oh boy, big goals ahead.

On the other hand, this MBTI tool is spot on about some issues INFPs need for self-improvement. I actually looking to work on those, especially I want to break those barriers to get to those ambitions.

Now, know-yourself bit is almost done. There are still hard bits to go on. Life!!!

 

Life at Its Worth

Drinking at Parking Toys Watt, April 2015.

The past few weeks have been rough ones. One of my best friends passed away with a stroke. It was so sudden and unexpected. All of us were shocked. He would have done more in life. On the other hand, he had lived his life as its worth beyond many could have achieved.

I’d say he and I had a long history since the university almost 30 years ago. I remembered our first eye contact and thought this guy could be a cool one to hang around with. And it was rightly so. We formed a small circle of close friends who were pretty much got wasted every time we got a chance.

He always introduced us to his new buddies while drinking. Some were peculiar. Ones I would never talked to in the first place. (Not to mention a handful of girlfriends that we lost count.) Many continued the friendship until today.

We were casted for small roles in a same play in the freshman year. That was the first time we worked together. I never thought our professional paths would cross again.

After the uni, we parted with our jobs but still partied regularly. Until one day I got a call from him about a new position at a firm he was working for. We ended up working in the same event management company for a couple of years. His working style didn’t change much—direct but sensible. It was a tough time when Thailand’s bubble economy was about to burst. He moved on to another job and eventually started his own event business when I left Bangkok for another life chapter in Sydney.

Ten years later, I was back in Bangkok, his business became a success. Despite of that ten-year gap, we still caught up and talked rubbish over drinks like before almost every week.

Most of all, I was impressed with him on his passion to help others, for an example, volunteering flood relief in 2011 and his generosity with his mates. I couldn’t tell for others but, as far as I knew, he supported a lot of people big and small.

We also got a chance to work together on some videos including one of the most challenging productions for me. He was the one who took care of my apartment when I was in the transition with a new job in Washington DC. My stuff was kept in the storage of his firm. He also coordinated the repair of my bedroom floor that was damaged from building leaks just weeks before I left.

It was Thursday, two nights after I came back from a getaway in Koh Samed, when he collapsed at the gym. I rushed to the hospital from a local pub when heard about it. He was still in the operation when we got there. He survived the night and transferred to ICU with a life support. But there was a complication and he eventually had to leave us on Saturday morning.

That was quick but I got a feeling it was how he would want to go. No lingering…just like that. As far as I knew this man from personal and professional views, he lived his life to almost of his fulfillments. We might be living longer than he did (who knows for how long it would be) but he certainly made the most of his time. His presence would be missed tremendously.

He was 46.

Those Three Weeks in Sydney

Arriving Sydney

To be honest, when I left the Australia in 2010, I had never had a plan to set my foot in the country again. But there I was, taking a trip in Sydney for three weeks last year. Something inside me made a quest to go back to where I spent my life for almost ten years—my second home.

My then departure was quite a bitter change from an uncertainty in Sydney to another life chapter back in Bangkok. But then again, I decided to take another big turn taking a job in Washington DC. Living in the States triggered me to explore myself what I was made of. In another word, it was a homesick, not just for Bangkok but also Sydney.

A five-month break from work in Bangkok gave a window for me to visit Sydney. How I spent those three weeks: Continue reading Those Three Weeks in Sydney

2016 Wrap up: Life as a Migrant Bird

Sunrise in Abu Dhabi
Watching the sunrise at Abu Dhabi International Airport in the transit to Washington DC

Looking back in 2016, I have spent time around six months each in Washington DC and Bangkok, going back and forth. Things I have learnt from it were life as a migrant bird seemed to be the pattern now and these physical traveling weren’t as intense as the inner journey I’ve had.

January-March

Continuing from August 2015, I was in DC until March. Those eight months shook my mental state into identity crisis and self-doubts. The biggest one would be why I keep running into an uncertainty like that again and again. That created a quest for me to try to comprehend it.

At the same time, work-wise, I was pleased to see the last video I produced at the last job in Bangkok in 2015 was finally published. It was another video I pushed through, using live action to convey messages of a report on Thailand’s education system.

Continue reading 2016 Wrap up: Life as a Migrant Bird

Weekend in Detroit: Saturday Self-Revelation

img_8536After all this time in Washington DC, I get to get out of town, finally. Intentionally, the first city I’d like to visit is Detroit. That’s for some good reasons—to get the sense of changing urban landscape and to see Sigur Rós concert. It turns out to be one of my self-revelation peaks.

Saturday in the Detroit is actually quite short. It is almost 6pm when I get to downtown to walk around the city whereas the show starts at 8.30pm. So, there isn’t much time to explore the famous urban decay. Although there are many abandoned buildings, it is not as dramatic as it sounded years ago.

Probably, the city is slowly in reincarnation phase. You get the sense of city’s rebounding from local creative business like local breweries such as one I have at Detroit Beer Company. It has a long history of art and music scene. I can see it now from Fox Theater. The over-the-top Art Deco interior just amazes me. I wish I could explore more and more.

While waiting for the show, the combination of the theatre’s visual stimulant and the meditative walk-in music put me to process the whole experience so far. My head keeps chanting ‘I’m in Fox Theater in Detroit to see Sigur Rós’. An intense journey I haven’t had for a long time kicks off.

During the first half of the show, my emotion gets so overwhelmed by self-reflection that I start to sob.

I’ve been soul searching since I made the big move to this current job in DC last year. (That includes the trip to Sydney in May-June this year and I should blog about it later.) And lately, I have convinced myself as an INFP. It ticks the boxes I question about my own decisions in my life. The evening with the mantra ‘I’m in Fox Theater in Detroit to see Sigur Rós’ has just put a nail on it.

Understanding myself as an INFP processes me why I wanted to visit Detroit before anywhere else in the States and why Sigur Rós. For the first time in many years I think I’m clear why I’m here, hence, where and how I’d like to go further.

It’s a short day with a long internal journey in Detroit. In the end, it gets you the feeling of self-discovery. Everything seems to make sense now. All effort is worth it and the rest of the trip is the bonus. I shall move forward and explore.